Textual Intercourse 1 - IBS

A text conversation between me and Lisa....

Lisa: We have a weeks extension on our hard GIS map assignment
Me: That's good news baby. I'm having a really shit day. My brain's not working, eerything I'm doing is wrong, the coffee machine's broken ... I could go on but I won't. Wanna go to Boscombe at lunch, coming?
Lisa: Ok, I'm having a shite day now 2. have to ring mortgage company as they're being arseholes. Will get my shit 2gether & jump on a bus asap x

...2 mins...

Lisa: On the bus, dya fancy The Percy 4 lunch? I could do with an alcoholic beverage?

(at this point I should explain that 'The Percy' is a pub on the edge of Boscombe High Street)

Me: If it's not too busy yeah. Xx
Lisa: OK ill check it out, what dya want 2 drink if its quiet?
Me: I dunno. Pint of Fosters? I really shouldn't be having booze today. I was thinking more about going to either Costa or the other coffee shop down by MacDonalds xx
Lisa: Ok, actually I fancy a maccy ds now?
Me: Maccy D's = IBS in a bun

As I was typing that last text she rang. I explained what I was typing so we decided to meet at somewhere completely different for lunch so as to prevent potential tummy troubles. We met up and went to a nice little cafe opposite the Opera House (the name escapes me) and had Cappacino with Chicken, Pesto and Mozzerella panini.

It arrived. The side salad had a sweet vingarette. Ate everything. I realised I was gonna be late getting back to work so I left at 1:51 (it's a 10 min walk back)

On the way back I had IBS.

Dammit!

Homeless person

I was in Boscombe with Lisa yesterday during my lunch break and on the way to the high street from the car park I saw a homeless guy begging. I'm not a person that looks down on these people or anything - in fact I'm quite the opposite. If I'm not skint myself and I happen to have some spare change I don't mind every now and again giving them a few bob. But this guy was taking the piss - he was sat there looking all convincingly dirty with ripped up clothes and a little cardboard sign saying please help.... but he was using the hands free headset on his mobile phone!!!! What the fuck?!? It wasn't a cheap one either it was a proper new one.

Have I missed something here? Have the government started handing out free mobile phones to the homeless in order for them to be able to help themselves find accomodation or jobs? I very much doubt it. But then it got me thinking, what if his mobile was a contract phone - you need to have an address and bank account to be able to have one.

Lisa said that she heard on the news the other day that some homeless people in London can make up to £200 per day!

Fuckin' cheek! That's all my faith in homeless people gone. That prick has ruined it for all homeless-kind as far as my contribution is concerned.